


The Long Haul

by vanderlindeandco



Category: The Outer Worlds (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Jealousy, Slow Burn, Some angst, manchild felix, the captain is emotionally constipated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23727883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanderlindeandco/pseuds/vanderlindeandco
Summary: "I walked on towards Belle’s, silently cursing myself. Of course I had feelings for Felix. The stupidest thing about it was that I hadn’t realized it earlier. I was close with everyone on my crew, but now that I thought about it, I didn’t find myself admiring Nyoka’s smiles. I didn’t laugh as much with Parvati. I didn’t feel as much myself with ADA. Of course I liked him. He was kind, and brave, and loyal, and smart? Well, maybe not so much that. But Law, he was easy on the eyes. The thoughts crashed over me like a tsunami and again I cursed my own ignorance. Had it been so long since I’d had feelings for someone? Well, not counting the decades I spent on ice. How stupid could I be?"
Relationships: The Captain/Felix Millstone
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

It was supposed to be a fairly simple job. The Unreliable needed a replacement part, and Nyoka had heard rumors that a ship had crashed in the wild on Monarch some years ago, a ship similar enough to the Unreliable that its parts should be compatible. We’d found it all right, Felix and Nyoka and I, and while she and I held off the mantisaurs, he had pulled the part that Parvati needed. Unfortunately, we’d managed to step on the toes of a large group of local marauders on our way back, which led to our hasty retreat to the Unreliable.

“Fixed it, Captain!” Parvati’s voice rang from deep in the ship and I keyed in our skip destination quickly, ignoring ADA’s warnings, as much as I knew we shouldn’t. The ship shook with the impact of a grenade launcher.

“All right, everyone hold on!” I clutched the arms of the captain’s seat in the Unreliable as the engines roared to life, wincing at the sound of bullets pattering against my ship’s sides. The ship rose, quivering at the beating it was taking, and then we were blasting towards the edge of Monarch’s atmosphere. I was about to skip the ship when Parvati’s voice rang through the halls.

“Captain, something’s wrong!” The smell of smoke reached my nostrils before I got to the engine room and found Parvati with Felix standing helplessly behind her, Parvati's gloved fingers moving a mile a minute over the recently-repaired engine. “I swear I put it in right, I-” she broke off, reaching a hand back. “Felix?”

He handed her the wrench he was holding and she went to work again. I knew there was nothing I could do to help and I’d only distract her by asking, so I waited, heart pounding, ready to grab the fire extinguisher hooked to the wall if need be. “Almost… got… it,” she muttered, switching the screwdriver with a wrench to crank something tighter. The smoke stopped suddenly, and she sat back on her heels, pushing her goggles back up to rest on her forehead. “I think that should do for now,” she said, her shoulders slumping with relief.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Law, I have no idea,” she said. “Everything was working just fine and then next thing I knew the engine was overheating. I-I’m sorry, boss. I must have done something wrong.”

“It’s all right, Parvati,” I said. “You got it taken care of. You had to install it fast, too, so I don’t blame you one bit.”

“Thank you, Captain,” she said. “I thought I knew how to do it but maybe I don’t know as much as I thought. If we could go to the Groundbreaker, well, I’m sure Junlei could help us.”

“You sure you only want to go there for her help with the ship?” I teased, and she blushed furiously.

“Captain!” she exclaimed, “We really could use her help!”

“I know,” I said, “I’m just teasing you. Think we can make it there?”

She looked back at the repair and nodded slowly. “I can’t promise it, but I’m pretty sure.”

“A 'pretty sure' from you is good enough for me,” I said. “Let’s go. Anything else you need to do before we skip?”

“No, ma’am,” she said.

“All right, then. Good work, Parvati.” I turned to return to the cockpit, Nyoka next to me. “Where’d Felix get off to?” I asked. I hadn’t noticed him leave the engine room, and didn’t see him on my way to the cockpit.

She shrugged. “Probably went to find some food. You know how he is.”

“Yeah,” I said. Still, I was a little surprised he hadn’t stuck around to see the problem through to its end. That wasn’t like him. True to Parvati’s word, we skipped successfully to the Groundbreaker, and I went upstairs to find Felix to ask if he wanted to come with us onto the ship. I knew Junlei and Parvati were likely to be working for some time, and Felix would be disappointed if Nyoka and I left without him. His bedroom door was closed and I knocked twice.

“Come in!”

I pushed open the door and stepped inside. He was sitting at his desk, cleaning the grenade launcher that he always used with such gusto. He looked up briefly, barely meeting my eyes with a smile that felt forced before his gaze returned to his task. “You disappeared earlier,” I said. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah of course,” he said. “It just didn’t seem like there was much for me to do there. You know how I can be when it comes to that kind of stuff. More harm than good, right?”

“Maybe,” I said. His demeanor was off. He seemed nervous, and Felix wasn’t supposed to be nervous around me. It didn’t feel right, and I didn’t like it. “So everything’s ok?”

“Yep,” he said.

There was no point pestering him; I had learned Felix’s MO - if something was wrong, he’d bring it to me eventually and nothing I could do would get it out of him before then. “All right, I trust you,” I said. “You’d tell me if it wasn’t. You trying to come onto the Groundbreaker while Junlei helps Parvati with the ship, or do you want to stay here?”

“I’ll come, if you don’t mind,” he said, reaching for a rag to wipe his dirtied fingers on.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I minded. C’mon, let’s go.”

“All right, Boss.” He seemed lost in thought as we descended the ramps to the base level of the ship. He was probably just tired from the mission, coming down from the stress of it all. That made sense.

Nyoka joined us as we left the ship, and we crossed the landing pad, moving into the heart of the Groundbreaker. “Anyone looking for anything in particular?” I asked.

“I was thinking of getting a drink,” Nyoka said. “Anyone care to join?”

“At 11 AM? I think I’m good,” I said, and Felix laughed. He seemed a little more himself now, and I liked that.

“Suit yourself,” Nyoka said. “I’ll see you back on the ship.”

“What about you, Felix?” I asked as we continued down the thoroughfare.

He shrugged. “Nothing in particular. Just thought I’d tag along.”

“All right then,” I said. “I’m trying to find some deals on ammo. Wanna scare Belle into cutting me a discount?”

He looked at me incredulously. “I don’t know about that, Boss.”

“Oh right, ‘cause she’d be the one doing the scaring, wouldn’t she?”

He frowned, his lower lip jutting out in a pout that somehow tightened my chest. “That’s not fair,” he whined. “She sells weapons for a reason.” Even though it was fake, I hated seeing him upset. Of course, I felt that way about the rest of the crew too, but lately, I’d felt a little extra protective over Felix and I hadn't had the time to put my finger on why.

“I’m just kidding,” I said, nudging him with my elbow. “Cheer up.”

“Felix, is that you?” A female voice interrupted our conversation, and both Felix and I looked over to see a woman jogging toward us. She was tall, nearly as tall as Felix, dark red hair tucked into a loose braid that swung gracefully as she moved. A heavily modded revolver hung off her belt, and well-muscled arms emerged from her armor. Her face was pretty, dark gray eyes set under a strong brow, a dusting of freckles across her tan cheeks.

“Alaina?” Felix asked incredulously, opening his arms to embrace the woman as she reached him.

My stomach tightened slightly, a sour feeling in the back of my throat. _Oh._ That was why I had been paying a little extra attention to Felix lately.

_Oh no._

I couldn’t let myself get distracted like this. Not when there was so much to get done. My romantic history was messy to say the least, and the last thing I wanted was to risk fouling up my friendship with Felix by letting my feelings get involved.

She had stepped back, and I realized she was holding out a hand for me to shake. “I’m Alaina,” she said.

I cleared my throat, shaking her hand firmly. “Rose Cornett. Pleasure to meet you.”

“I’ve heard of you,” she said. “Never thought I’d find Felix on your crew, though.”

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Oh, you know. He’s a troublemaker. Didn’t think he’d be much for a crew like yours.”

“Shut up, Alaina,” Felix protested. “I’m not like that anymore.”

She raised an eyebrow skeptically. “You don’t seem very different to me.”

"Well, I am," he said obstinately. "I've got plenty of stories."

“Well, tell me 'em over the lunch you're about to buy me,” Alaina said. 

“Yeah, sure,” Felix said. “Wanna come, Captain?”

“Already ate.” The lie slipped off my tongue automatically. “Be back at the Unreliable in an hour. We’re out of here as soon as Parvati’s done.”

“Oh. Okay.” His face had grown more serious and I knew he had noticed the tone change I had failed to disguise. “See you then.”

“Yup.” I walked on towards Belle’s, silently cursing myself. Of course I had feelings for Felix. The stupidest thing about it was that I hadn’t realized it earlier. I was close with everyone on my crew, but now that I thought about it, I didn’t find myself admiring Nyoka’s smiles. I didn’t laugh as much with Parvati. I didn’t feel as much myself with ADA. Of course I liked him. He was kind, and brave, and loyal, and smart? Well, maybe not so much _that_. But Law, he was easy on the eyes. The thoughts crashed over me like a tsunami and again I cursed my own ignorance. Had it been so long since I’d had feelings for someone? Well, not counting the decades I spent on ice. How stupid could I be? I did my business with Belle quickly and then returned to the ship, holing up in my room and trying not to think of Felix’s date, or whatever it was, and how tightly he had embraced Alaina. I sat back, resting my feet on my desk and willing Parvati and Junlei to hurry up. The sooner we were out of here, the better.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock on my door after a couple hours of my sulking and thinking, and I called, “Come in,” half of me hoping it was Felix, because that would mean he was back from his date, and half of me hoping it wasn’t, because that way I wouldn’t have to look him in the eye. To my partial relief, it turned out to be Parvati.

“She’s up and running, Captain!” she said cheerfully.

“Oh good, glad to hear it.” It  _ was  _ good news, and it temporarily took my mind off Felix. “What was wrong with it?”

“Well,” she sighed, her eyes passing me. “The part seems to have been defective or something. It should have fit, but it just didn’t - Junlei found the problem. It could have been really bad.”

“So you don’t know exactly what caused it?” I asked. It was odd for Parvati to not thoroughly diagnose the problem. If anything, she usually tended to talk almost  _ too _ much about this stuff.

“No, not exactly,” she said, but she still wasn’t meeting my eyes. “But Junlei patched it, and she said we can get the parts we need from a mechanic she knows on Terra 2.”

“Okay,” I said. Perhaps she was just embarrassed because she had installed the part improperly, but dishonesty wasn’t like her. I didn’t like the assumptions I was having to make about my crew lately, but I trusted her. “Is Felix back?”

“Oh yes, Captain, he got back awhile ago.”

“How’d he seem?” The question left me before I could stop it, and Parvati gave me a slightly quizzical look.

“Seem? I, well, he seemed like Felix. Happy-go-lucky and ready to go.”

Well, that wasn’t helpful. “Okay, thanks Parvati. We’ll get going soon.”

I took a moment to compose myself after she left, and then headed downstairs so we could get going to Terra 2. I wasn’t going to act on my feelings - I’d decided that much. If Felix showed interest, I’d consider it, but if not, it wasn’t worth risking our friendship. I cared about him too much as a person to lose him as a friend because I couldn’t settle for just that. The outcome of my decision wasn’t going to feel good, I knew that, but coming to a decision did. Now for me to stick with it. I reached the bottom of the ramps and was about to head over to the computers to take us to Terra 2 when I glanced into the cargo bay and saw Felix working at the bench, molding a new grip for his tossball stick. He was wearing a smudged white tank top to work, the defined muscles in his arms and shoulders flexing as he shaped the metal.

I stopped in my tracks without realizing it, gaze fixed on him. He didn’t notice me there and I watched for a few moments as he worked, an annoying voice in the back of my mind asking me how his strong arms would feel wrapped around me. I had never seen Felix in less than a T-shirt before, and now was exactly the worst time. Of course it was because the cooling in the Unreliable hadn’t been working right, but what bad luck was it for me that it had happened to coincide with my emotional epiphany. His hair, which he hadn’t been cut in awhile, was tucked back with a bandana and it gleamed softly under the lights in the cargo bay. How I would have liked to run my fingers through it…

“Captain.” 

At the sound of Nyoka’s voice, I snapped out of my reverie and turned to face her.

There was a bit of a smirk on her face, her eyes shifting swiftly to Felix and back to me. I tried to look innocent, and asked, “What?”

“I was just wondering when we’re leaving, but you seem a little busy.”

“Not at all,” I said, feeling my cheeks heating. “We’re leaving now.” I didn’t wait for her to answer and continued on to the cockpit of the ship. Minutes later, we were landing on Terra 2, and as I picked out weapons from the lockers by the door of the ship, I heard familiar footsteps behind me and turned to see Felix approaching, a friendly smile on his face.

“Can I come with?” he asked eagerly. He never seemed to tire of exploring, even the very most godforsaken of planets. 

“I don’t see why not,” I said. “Get Parvati when you get your gear, will you?”

“Will do. Hey boss, I wanted to ask you something.”

I looked up, slightly startled by the sudden seriousness in his tone. “What’s up?”

“Was everything ok? On the Groundbreaker? Your tone got kind of… I don’t know, weird, and I thought you were disappointed by me leaving. I know we were there on business, and I’m sorry for using the time for fun.”

I wasn’t expecting his apology and it took me a moment to find an answer. “Oh no, everything was fine! I just… I don’t know, I was kinda cranky. It’s been an intense day.”

“So we’re good?” he said, and the earnestness in his eyes was almost so intense, I almost had to look away.

“Of course,” I said. “Did you have a good time?”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “I used to run with Alaina all the time on the Groundbreaker. I haven’t seen her in years though, so it was nice to catch up.”

“Good,” I said, forcing some enthusiasm. “Okay, let’s get ready to go.”

“All right, boss,” he said, shooting me a quick smile before turning to go upstairs.

When we stepped onto Terra 2, I took a deep breath of the fresh outside air, willing my head to clear. The colors around me were vivid and distracting, and as we hiked toward the trading post a few miles away from the landing pad, I began to feel more myself again. I listened as Parvati and Felix chattered cheerfully, letting my wandering thoughts focus on their conversation.

“You really think sprats would make better pets than raptidons?” Felix was asking.

“Well, they wouldn’t try to eat me, at least, unless there were enough of them,” Parvati said.

“Yeah, but raptidons are so much  _ cooler _ ,” Felix said fervently. “I mean, imagine how much respect you’d have to have for someone with a tamed raptidon.”

“I’d be more likely to think they might have a couple screws loose,” Parvati replied and I laughed.

“What do you think, Boss?” Felix asked.

“Hmm…” I was considering my answer when movement just ahead of the ridge I was cresting caught my eye. Primals, and a lot of them. “Quiet,” I whispered. “Primals.” I crouched, edging behind a tree, and Felix and Parvati took cover behind the ridge. The creatures didn’t seem to have noticed us yet, and I backed down slowly. We’d find a way around them and continue on toward the base.

Then I stepped a little too far back, my toes just catching the edge of a rock, my weight shifted, slipping off, and I stumbled, falling back and cracking my head against the edge of a rock formation, landing with a heavy thud on the ground and rolling several yards down the hill. The roar of a primal broke the peaceful silence as my vision went blurry. I could feel myself blacking out, my brain turning to cement as darkness crept in from the edges of my view. I groped for my gun and my fingers felt the metal, but as I tried to grip it, my muscles felt weak, and the darkness closed around me. The last thing I saw before the world disappeared was Felix and Parvati, guns raised, Felix shouting a battle cry as the herd of primals crested the ridge.


	3. Chapter 3

My vision faded back in, the colors around me nearly blinding me as I struggled to focus. “Captain!” Parvati’s voice sounded muffled, but her second cry of, “Captain, wake up!” was much sharper, and I shook my head a little, trying to rid myself of the haze that clouded my thoughts. My fingers brushed my gun, and as they clutched it, reality rushed into focus. Parvati was facing down three angry Primals, and Felix… he lay among the scattered corpses of the creatures and my heart clenched, adrenaline rushing through my veins. I stepped forward, planting my feet, and began to fire, barely feeling the kick of the shotgun in my hands. Between the two of us, we felled the remaining primals in just a minute, which felt like an eternity with the thought of Felix limp on the grass quickly overwhelming all the thoughts in my aching head. As soon as the last beast fell, I ran back to him, dropping to my knees in the grass.

He was breathing, thank God, but his breaths were slow and shallow, a long gash torn through his armor and into his side. The moment I peeled back the material, my fingers were covered in blood, and I could scarcely see the injury itself beneath the mess. “Fuck, this is bad,” I muttered. I was fighting the rising panic as hard as I could, but I felt so helpless, it was nearly impossible to rein it in. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down and form a plan. “Parvati, help me get him up. We need to get back to the ship as fast as we can.”

“Got it.” 

I slid an arm under Felix’s upper back, sitting him up part way, cringing at the rush of new blood flowing over his clothes, and Parvati grabbed him from the other side. Together we hauled him upright, and began to jog toward the road, his feet dragging and bouncing behind him. His dead weight was awkward and unwieldy, but I hardly noticed the burning in my muscles as we made for the ship as quickly as we could. I glanced at him, and he hadn’t seemed to have stirred at all. His face was deathly pale, his head lolling limply as we ran. 

We hadn’t been far from the ship when the attack happened, but it felt like an agonizingly long time to get back. As soon as the door opened, I was shouting for Nyoka, my voice coming out ragged and panicked. Nyoka had to know what to do. She had been a hunter long enough to know how to deal with a goring. 

Her feet pounded down the steps as we set Felix down inside the door. She dropped next to him, already reaching for her knife to cut away the cloth around the wound. “What happened?” she asked tersely, fingers moving adeptly around the gash.

“Primal,” I said.

“Get us to town,” she said. “We need a doctor.”

I nodded, grateful for his welfare to be taken out of my hands for just a moment. It was too precious for me to protect, too big a responsibility.

I ran to the cockpit, pressing buttons with still-bloodied fingers. The ship rose, and I closed my eyes for a moment, the headache I had been ignoring forcing itself to my attention with its throbbing intensity, so strong it made stars pop behind my closed eyelids. Then I had to take over for the automatic takeoff, and I was piloting us toward Edgewater. My landing was rough in its speed, but I got us there. “How’s he doing?” I asked Nyoka as I helped her lift him to get him out of the ship.

“Hanging in,” she said. “He lost a lot of blood. It’s not looking too good.”

I didn’t have an answer for her words, still trying to force my calmness as Parvati flitted ahead of us to open the door.

When we reached the small doctor’s office and Felix was literally and figuratively out of my hands, I finally felt tears begin to prickle at the backs of my eyes, and I looked away from what was left of my crew, blinking rapidly until I could control myself again. I felt Nyoka’s arm wrap around my shoulders, and she gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. “He’s tough, Rose. If anyone can make it through this, he can.”

I nodded, and straightened my shoulders a little, trying to pull myself together. I was supposed to be the captain and I had damn well better start acting like it. “Parvati, what happened exactly?”

“Well, after you cracked your head, the Primals attacked. We were doing all right at first, and Felix especially was protecting you real well. But there were a lot of them, and I lost a little ground, but Felix just stood right over you and kept fighting them, well, until one got past him, and it slashed him real bad. He kept shooting, but then he went down. He passed out right before you started waking up.”

I nodded slowly. My stress and concern for Felix were overwhelming, but the idea of Felix protecting me like that made me feel warm inside. He had protected me before all else, putting my life before his. Without a question, I’d rather I die than him, but his sacrifice for me meant more than I could ever hope to express. We’d all risked our lives for each other before, but this was different - he had let himself go down before he let me go. The thought made my chest tighten and my eyes grow wet again. “Thank you for holding them off, Parvati,” I said, and my voice wavered a little, but she didn’t show any reaction to it, just giving me a small, encouraging smile. She knew me well enough to know when I didn’t want my emotions acknowledged. “If it weren’t for you, we’d all be dead.”

“It’s just the same as you would do for us,” she said. “Now, why don’t we get something for your head? It must be hurting something fierce.”

*****  
The medication the doctor’s assistant procured for me made my thoughts a little fuzzy and my mind a tad drowsy, but those side effects helped keep me calmer as we waited for the doctor to finish with Felix. I leaned my head back against the wall in the waiting room, letting the coolness from the stone sink into my skin. It had been over an hour now. My fingers picked idly at a loose thread on my pants.

At the sound of footsteps, I sat up straighter, and the doctor emerged from the room he had taken Felix into, a bloodied apron over his lab coat. I stood, hands clenching automatically at my sides. “Well?” I asked.

“He’s in rough shape,” the doctor said. “We almost lost him several times. But I expect him to make it through.”

The tension I hadn’t fully realized I was holding released suddenly, my shoulders slumping and my jaw loosening. 

“So what happens now?” Nyoka asked.

“Now, he rests. Here, if you can afford it,” the doctor said.

“Staying here is what’s best for him?” I asked.

“Yes; it’s better not to move him.”

“Whatever it costs, I’ll pay you,” I said. “Can I see him?”

“He won’t be much company; he’s anesthetized on top of being knocked out. But feel free,” the doctor said.

“Thank you.” I passed him, entering the short hall and opening the door to Felix’s room.

He was on the bed, tucked beneath covers, his face under the oxygen mask nearly as pale as the white blanket. He looked nearly dead, but as I watched, I could see the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I grabbed the chair from the corner of the room and pulled it closer to the bed as Nyoka and Parvati entered the room behind me. 

“He’s a lucky bastard,” Nyoka said. She stood over the bed for a moment, looking down at his peacefully sleeping face. “Knowing him, he’ll be back on his feet in no time.”

I chuckled. “The hardest part will be keeping him in bed long enough to get better.”

“He’s not out of the woods yet.” The doctor’s voice joined our conversation as he stepped into the room. “There are still things that could go wrong - infection, for one. We’ll keep a close eye on him and hope for the best.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” Outside, the sun was beginning to set, the warm orange light casting a more lively glow across Felix’s face. I sat down in the chair I had pulled up and looked up at Nyoka and Parvati. “You two should get some dinner. I’m going to stay here tonight, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t sleep in your own beds.”

“We’ll bring you food!” Parvati offered, but I shook my head.

“I don’t have any appetite. But that’s sweet of you.”

“All right, Captain,” Nyoka said. “Let us know if anything happens.”  
“Will do.”

Soon after they left, the rays of the evening sun grew near-blinding, and I crossed the room to close the shutters. Then I sat on the edge of Felix’s bed, gazing at his calm face. I reached up, cupping his cheek in my hand, my thumb stroking the soft skin next to his nose. In his sleep, his head turned just slightly into my touch, and I sat there, not wanting to move, for several long minutes. 

The anxiety in the pit of my stomach had settled a bit. I wouldn’t be able to fully relax until Felix had recovered. But at least I knew I wouldn’t lose him yet. 


	4. Chapter 4

_Felix's POV_

When I woke, it was to the sight of an unfamiliar ceiling. I blinked, trying to remember what had happened, and it all came back - the attack, Rose going down, and then me. I didn’t remember anything past that, and then it hit me that that meant I didn’t know what had happened to her. I looked around frantically, my heart settling when I saw her next to me. Her arms were crossed on the bed, her head resting on them, and she was asleep. 

I watched her for a long moment, how peaceful her face looked framed in her messy locks of dark hair, her cute slightly upturned nose, her lips that were so often smiling relaxed and parted just a little. They looked so soft. 

It took more effort than I had thought it would to tear my gaze away from her, and I looked around, taking in my surroundings. We were clearly in some kind of doctor’s office, and if she wasn’t in bed, that was even more evidence that she was just fine. My wound hurt, but given I was still alive, they must have patched it up okay, and the fiery pain that had throbbed through my whole torso when I was first injured had been replaced with a dull ache. I felt weak, and tired, my limbs heavier than they should have been, but it could be a whole lot worse. I could have not woken up at all. But even if I hadn’t, I knew protecting her would still have been the right choice.

As I lay in bed, my mind drifted to the events leading up to the fight. I didn’t know where Rose’s attitude that morning had come from, but I hadn’t liked it, and I still felt it was my fault. I still felt guilty for my lunch with Alaina, even though she had said it was okay. I felt it wasn’t. 

Not to mention that I didn’t want to give Rose the impression I was into someone that I wasn’t. I was sure I didn’t have a chance with Rose, but I still didn’t want to close that door if I didn’t have to. I could remember so clearly the first time I had seen her, her confidence and kindness, her warm smile that balanced her tough appearance. I had fallen for her instantly and the more I got to know her the harder it became to conceal my feelings.

I looked at her again. She was beautiful sleeping there, and it made me feel good to know she was there to look out for me. She could have returned to the ship to sleep in her own bed, but she hadn’t. She was there. I extracted an arm from under the blanket, careful not to wake her, and pushed back a stray strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t stir, and I felt her gentle, warm breath against my fingers as I pulled back. 

Drowsiness was beginning to overtake me, and I let myself go, drifting off to sleep

*****

_ Rose’s POV _

I woke to the sound of footsteps, and sat up, stretching an extremely stiff back and neck as the doctor leaned over Felix to check his vitals. “How’s he doing?” I asked.

The man didn’t respond for several moments as he listened to Felix’s heartbeat. “As well as he can be, considering the circumstances.”

“When will he wake up?” I asked.

“With this kind of injury and the medications he’s on, it might be awhile. Maybe not even today,” the doctor explained. “Even if he does, he’ll be in and out.”

“What are his odds looking like?”

“Good, given no complications,” he said. “You’re lucky you got here when you did. With all he went through, he needs a couple weeks’ bed rest, and then he should be good to go.”

I nodded. “Just tell me how much I owe, and I’ll pay right now.” As we were finishing the transaction, the door of the office opened and Nyoka and Parvati were in the room moments later, both looking significantly better-rested and more put-together than I felt, even though I didn’t remember waking the whole night. 

“How’s he doing?” Parvati asked.

“He’s hanging in there,” I said. “Doc said things are looking pretty good, considering. He needs a couple weeks’ rest though.”

“We aren’t gonna just sit here all that time, are we?” Nyoka asked.

“I think we should probably move on. Let’s step out - I don’t want to wake him up.” We continued our discussion in the waiting room, and I closed Felix’s door behind us. “We could go to Monarch and get our work done there, and then come back.”

“I’d feel awful bad to leave him here all by himself,” Parvati said.

“I would too,” I said, and it was true - the thought of Felix waking alone and having to recover in the hands of strangers saddened me deeply. “But we have a lot to get done, and the clock is ticking. We still haven’t even gotten the ship fixed.”

“Well, let’s do that first, and then go,” Nyoka said. “We’ll come back here after Monarch. He wouldn’t want us to wait.”

“Yeah,” I said reluctantly. It didn’t feel right, but I knew it was the right choice. It would be selfish of me to ignore my duties so I could wait by Felix’s side until he was better. I peeked back through his door and saw that his eyes were still firmly closed. I wished I could have at least said goodbye, but I didn’t want to wake him.

The doctor was sitting behind his desk, and I told him about our plan before we left. He reassured me that Felix would receive the best care possible. But it still felt wrong to walk away and leave him there.

*****

We retrieved the parts from the mechanic Junlei had recommended without any further issues, passing the dead group of Primals from yesterday on our hike there. As Parvati installed the new parts with Nyoka’s help, I sat on the landing pad, allowing myself a rare cigarette to try to help me feel a little better. The installation of the parts was supposed to be quick, and after fifteen minutes, I rose to go inside, taking a last look around the pad, when my eyes caught on movement cresting the steps. 

Cords trailing out of his arms, hospital gown fluttering in the breeze, face pale and hair rumpled, feet bare and dirtied, it was Felix, and even as I ran to him, he collapsed to his knees, hands flat on the ground to steady himself. “Felix, what are you doing?” my heart was pounding and I crouched next to him, wrapping an arm around him, not knowing what to do.

He didn’t answer, shaking his head weakly, and I could see the blood soaking through his hospital gown. “Let’s get you inside.” I helped him stand, wrapping an arm around his upper back and letting him lean on me as we walked toward the door. I could feel his steps growing shorter, and his head came to rest on my shoulder as we ascended the ramp. I slammed the button to open the door, shouting for Nyoka and Parvati as we stepped over the threshold. They were there instantly, surrounding us, helping me support Felix. “Nyoka, let’s get him to a bed,” I said, “Parvati, you go get the doctor.” Nyoka and I were carrying nearly his whole weight as we went up the stairs; his feet were moving, but I knew if we let him go, he would collapse. Two flights of stairs were too far to go, so I steered us into my room, and Nyoka helped me ease him down onto the bed. 

“I’ll get supplies,” she said, and then she was gone in a clatter of footsteps.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, leaning over Felix, one of my shaking hands stroking back hair from his damp forehead. “Felix, why did you do this?”

His eyes were barely open, and he was shivering hard. I grabbed the spare blanket from under my bed and draped it over him, tucking him in as well as I could. “I - I heard your conversation.” His voice was quiet, painfully weak. “You were going to leave me.”

“For a couple weeks, yes - then we were going to come back for you once you got better!”

“I didn’t hear that part.” He blinked slowly, his eyes fixed somewhere behind me.

“Why didn’t you speak up?”

“I didn’t want to be a burden.” His voice regained some strength and he met my gaze again, his dark brown eyes fervent. “I wanted to prove I wouldn’t weigh you down.”

“You could have died!” I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I didn’t try to stop them this time. All this because of a stupid misunderstanding?

Felix’s brow furrowed, and I felt his body tense as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “This is the best place I’ve ever been. I can’t be left behind again. If I die, I’m gonna die following you, boss. I’m not gonna die in some backwater doctor’s office.”

“Then follow me, but for fuck’s sakes, speak up, Felix! If I had lost you-” I didn’t get to finish the thought; the sound of feet running up the stairs interrupted, and Parvati’s gentle grip on my shoulders pulled me out of the way as the doctor took my place at Felix’s side.

For the first time since this had all happened, I sat down at my desk, set my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands, and cried.


	5. Chapter 5

Every time I looked over at Doctor Shaw, his work had gotten a little messier, his hands a little bloodier, and finally I stopped looking. He was twenty minutes into the job when he spoke, his voice tense. “He’s lost a lot of blood. He needs more, or we’ll most likely lose him.”

“I’m O-negative,” I said. “I can help.”

“Good. Come here.”

I crossed the room, dragging my chair behind me, and sat down next to the doctor. “You’re lucky,” he said as he wiped his hands off on a rag.

“I know.” I pushed up my sleeve and sat back, watching Felix as Doctor Shaw worked. Felix’s shirt was off, and his wound was gruesomely bruised, a long row of stitches holding together the torn flesh. His hand rested limply by his side and I reached forward to take it, his fingers cold against mine as I grasped them. I felt a sharp poke as the doctor punctured my arm, and my grip tightened around Felix’s fingers slightly. 

“Hang in there, Captain.” Parvati’s voice behind me was calming, and I tried to let myself relax.

“One of you should bring her fluids to drink,” Doctor Shaw said. He turned to me after attaching the other end of the line to Felix’s arm. “You’ll need to take it easy for awhile after this. You can expect to experience some lightheadedness and weakness.”

I nodded. “Do you think he’ll make it through?”

“With this, probably,” the doctor said. “This’ll take awhile; you might as well get comfortable.”

“Okay.” I sat back in the chair a little, but I didn’t let go of Felix. 

“Why did he come here?” Parvati asked.

“He heard part of our conversation earlier,” I said. “He thought we were leaving him.”

“He should have known better than that,” Nyoka said. Her voice had an edge to it, and I could tell she was a little offended. “I love that kid. Thought he knew that.”

“Me too.” I looked back at Felix. “He thought he needed to get to us before we left.”

“Law…” Parvati’s voice was hushed, sad.

I watched his face as the time slowly passed, and gradually color began to return to his cheeks. Finally the doctor disconnected me, and then Felix, neatly bandaging the punctures. “It’s best he stays here now,” he said. He pulled two small bottles out of his satchel and handed them to me one at a time. “This one’s antibiotics. He needs one pill every twelve hours until these run out. The other is for pain. He can take them up to every eight hours, or less frequently if he doesn’t need them. If he’s showing any signs of fever or swelling of the wound, come get me. Can you handle changing his bandages?”

“I can,” Nyoka said. She stood from where she had been sitting on my desk and crossed the room to us. “Just tell me what I need to do?”

“Take off the bandages, use these to clean the wound-” he handed her what looked like a small package of wipes, “- and these to re-bandage it.” He followed the package with another, this one bigger and see-through, filled with clean white bandages. “That’s about it. He needs to be in bed for at least a week. After that, if he’s doing well, he can start to walk a little.”

“I’ll make sure he stays,” I said.

“Good. Another incident like this one could cost him his life,” Doctor Shaw said grimly, and stood to collect his things. I paid him from the stash of bits I kept in my bin, and he left. 

Felix was still asleep, but as I watched, he stirred a little, his head turning slightly and settling back into the pillow. Parvati stood. “It sounded like you were having a serious talk earlier. We’ll give you some privacy.”

“Thanks, Parvati.”

Soon after the door closed behind them, Felix’s eyes fluttered open, blinking quickly as he looked around. Then his gaze settled on me and his worried expression smoothed. “I’m here.” His voice was quiet, but hearing it again brought me comfort.

“You’re here,” I said. I realized I was still holding his hand, and I released it quickly, but not before he noticed. His fingers closed around empty air as I sat back, my cheeks flushing slightly. “Doctor Shaw got you patched up.”

“You look pale,” he said, looking at me keenly.

“You needed blood,” I said. 

“Thank you, Boss.” His voice was soft, and he looked away, his brow furrowing again. “I’m sorry.”

“Felix… We weren’t going to leave you. I just wanted you to stay so you could recover well.”

“I understand,” he said. He heaved a slow sigh, his eyes pained, and I had to resist the urge to embrace him. “I’m sorry I caused so much trouble.”

“There wouldn’t have been a problem if I had talked to you before we went. I could have explained things to you.”

He looked at me again, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah, so you were going to just leave without saying goodbye?”

I felt exposed, on the spot, and I found I couldn’t meet his bright eyes. He was right. It was wrong. “I-I guess I was afraid if I saw you and talked to you I wouldn’t be able to leave. And I felt I had to.”

“Why not?” he asked. 

“Why wouldn’t I be able to leave?” I asked. I hadn’t expected him to press me further, and I searched for the words to answer him without outing myself. “I-I guess, well… I care about you. And I would want to stay and take care of you.”

“It’s okay that you didn’t,” Felix said. “I probably would have felt the same way you did.”

I nodded slowly. Silence fell for a moment, and then I remembered what Parvati had told me. “Parvati said you protected me. That you went down for me.”

“Oh, yeah I guess I did.” He said it so nonchalantly, while I felt so guilty I couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“Thank you,” I said. “I never would have asked that of you.”

“I know,” Felix said. “But you would have done it for us.”

“But I didn’t,” I said. “I went down. You saved my life. It was my failure that almost got us all killed. You fixed it, you and Parvati. And I’m sorry it ended up this way.” The words were rushing out, but I was tired and emotionally wrung out - I had almost lost him twice in the last 24 hours- and I didn’t feel like stopping them. “You shouldn’t be the one that got hurt. I should be in that bed. But I’m not, and it’s not fair, and I’m sorry.” There were tears welling up in my eyes again, and I still couldn’t look at him, and I jumped a little when his hand touched mine, and then encompassed it, his thumb gently stroking the back of it.

“It’s okay,” he said, and I could tell he meant it. Finally I could meet his eyes, and they were so warm and sincere. “It is. I can’t count how many times you saved my ass. I was only starting to pay you back, and then you had to go and pay my medical bills and give me blood, so now I’m just as in debt as before.” We laughed, and I felt my tight chest loosen a little. “Anyway, I’m not worried about it. I’ll be up and about before you know it.”

“You better not be!” I said. “You’re in bed for a week, more if you don’t behave. I don’t want to see you step a foot out of that bed.”

He frowned. “What about when I have to go to the bathroom, and don’t you tell me I’m using a bucket!”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “It’s what the doctor said.”

“Are you kidding me?” he asked indignantly.

“Nope,” I said. “He left antibiotics, and pain meds too if you need those. Let me know.”

“I don’t need to be babysat; I can take care of myself,” he said stubbornly, for all the world sounding more like a kid than a full-grown man.

“I know,” I said. “But I want to. You want something, I’ll get it.” He opened his mouth to protest, but I stopped him. “Captain’s orders.”

“Fine,” he grumbled. 

“I’m getting some food,” I said. “You hungry?”

“Kinda.” He was still trying to remain stern, but the expression was already fading.

“I’ll be right back.” I squeezed his hand and released it, instantly regretting that I had to, and left for the kitchen. I found Parvati and Nyoka at the table, sharing a late lunch, and as soon as I entered, Parvati asked,

“How’s he doing?”

“Good,” I said. “He’s got his attitude back.”

Nyoka laughed. “That’s a good sign. How upset is he that he has to stay in bed?”

I shook my head, chuckling. “You have no idea. We’ll have to keep a close eye on him.”

“Where are you going to sleep then, captain?” Parvati asked.

“Guess I hadn’t thought about that,” I said. I had sold the spare furniture on the Unreliable a while back when I was in a pinch for bits. “I s’pose I’ll use Felix’s room. He won’t mind. All right, I’m gonna bring him some food. We’ll head on to Monarch tomorrow.”

When I got back to Felix’s room, I found him already asleep again, but I still sat next to him to eat my lunch and set his portion on the table next to the bed. I grabbed a book and settled in to read, resting my feet on the desk. I’d be here when he woke.


	6. Chapter 6

Felix awoke after a couple hours and I managed to convince him to eat some food, even though he wasn’t hungry. He was in some pain too, so he took one of the pills Dr. Shaw had left, and soon relaxed again, drifting back to sleep. It had grown late, and I was tired and still weary from the blood transfusion, and around midnight, I grabbed my pajamas and went upstairs to Felix’s room to sleep.

When I closed the door, I found a poster on the back that I had never seen before, an old tossball poster, and it was then I realized I had never been in his room with the door closed before. I felt out of place, and it felt odd to change my clothes in there. But once I had my pajamas on and sat down on the edge of the bed, I realized how tired I was. And his bed was just the same as mine, so when I climbed in, it felt familiar.

Except for the smell, Felix’s smell, that sweet and slightly spicy cologne he liked to wear even though it was hard to find, and the smell of his shampoo. His sheets were a little softer than my own, and I rolled over, enjoying the feeling against my skin. But either I moved too fast, or else Felix didn’t quite know how to make his bed (I tended to think it was the latter), because one corner of the fitted sheet popped off, springing back six inches or so off the mattress. I sighed, reluctantly pushing back the warm blankets and got out of bed, knowing it would be much harder to fix it if I was still on top of it. I gathered the material and pushed it back, pulling the mattress out from the wall a little to fit it in. As I reached into the gap though, my fingers brushed against something loose, a thick piece of paper. I settled the sheet and hesitated.

My fingers traced the worn edges of the square - it felt about four inches to an edge. I knew it wasn’t my right to snoop, and I tried to hold out, I really did. But then my curiosity overcame me, and I grabbed it, gently pulling it from next to the mattress. 

It was a photo, and instantly I remember the day it captured. I pushed the mattress back into place and sat down, legs crossed, to look at it. It was me and Felix, standing over the body of a mantiqueen we had slain. I had a plasma carbine in one hand, my other arm flexed, a proud smile on my face and a broad splatter of blood across my armor. I was smiling confidently, and I could clearly remember how good it had felt to kill that damn thing. It had been a long day of traveling and we hadn’t been expecting to encounter her. We were all tired and hungry, and the fight had been a grueling one. My focus returned to the picture, to Felix standing next to me, his grenade launcher held in one hand, leaning against his shoulder. But he wasn’t looking at the camera. Instead, his gaze was fixed on me, a gentle smile on his lips and the look in his eyes so warm and fond, I could almost feel it even from the worn photograph. I had never seen him look that way before and it made my pulse accelerate and my chest feel warm.

My intention had been to conceal my feelings at all costs, but this unseated my confidence. I looked more closely at the picture, trying to analyze his expression as objectively as I could. What I was sure of was that it wasn’t the way a person looked at a friend or a captain. 

I slipped the photograph back into its spot and lay back to think, but the image of him was burned into my mind, distracting me and distorting all my attempts to be objective. And it wasn’t just that; the recent events had shown me that I cared for Felix far more deeply than just by having a crush. And far beyond caring for him as a member of my crew. How close I had come to losing him had practically broken me, and I dreaded the idea of ever having to go through that again. And anyway, maybe it wasn’t my decision to make. Felix was a grown-up. If I told him my feelings, he could handle it. And I was sure our bond was strong enough to survive rejected feelings. Perhaps I had only ever told myself otherwise because I was too afraid to tell him how I felt.

I wanted to tell him, and I would. I just needed to find the right time. With a tingle of excitement in my stomach, I fell asleep.

*****

When my alarm rang, I woke a little disoriented, and then remembered where I was, and I relaxed again, burrowing my cheek into the pillow and inhaling Felix’s familiar smell. My sleepy brain drifted, suddenly fixing on the idea of how it would feel to have Felix next to me, his arms wrapped around me, his husky morning voice in my ear. For a moment I let myself enjoy the fantasy, and I nearly drifted back to sleep before the responsibilities of the day began to come to mind. For one, the real Felix was downstairs, and he was probably hungry.

When I got to his room, he was awake, looking across the room out the window. He seemed brighter, more alert, and when I entered with two bowls of cereal, he smiled at me, and I saw traces of his expression in the picture in it and my chest tightened a little. “Morning, Felix,” I said. “You get any sleep?”

“Slept like a rock,” he said. “You?”

“Same,” I said. “Long day yesterday. Are you hungry?”

“Surprisingly I am, despite you force-feeding me last night.”

“I wasn’t force-feeding you,” I protested, “And besides, you needed it. Want to try to sit up a little? It would probably make it easier to eat.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” he said. His hair was rumpled from sleep, a dark lock across his forehead, and I had to resist the urge to tuck it back.

I set the bowls down on my desk, and grabbed a spare pillow. I watched as he planted his hands on the bed, pushing himself up, and I quickly slid the pillow behind his back. He settled back with a grimace, a small grunt of pain escaping his lips. “You want some pain meds?” I asked. “There’s no shame in taking them.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to sleep all day again,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Why don’t you want to sleep?” I handed him his bowl and he took it, settling it in the blankets across his lap.

“When’s the next time I’m gonna get a chance like this to catch up on my shows?”

I laughed. “Ever the opportunist, you are.”

“Growing up the way I did, you learn to grab a good thing when you see it.” His gaze lingered on me for just a few moments, and my heart seemed to rise into my throat. He was flirting with me, right? But it had been so long since I had done this, I wasn’t sure.

Then he took a large bite of cereal and the moment broke. 

“Actually, I wanted to ask you- could you help me get back to my room?” he asked. “I know I’m not supposed to, but I feel bad to use yours, and I wasn’t ready for you to stay there and all, so it’s messy, and my stuff’s, well, all over.”

I shrugged. “It didn’t bother me. I’ve got an idea. I bet Parvati could build you a kick-ass wheelchair, and don’t you tell me anything about how you don’t need it. Then when that’s done, we can get you safely back to your room, and you can get off the ship too.”

“You know I can still use my legs right?” he asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Yes, but remember how you’re supposed to take it easy and heal? At least if you have a wheelchair, you can move around.”

“Okay, mom,” he teased, and I laughed.

“All right, I’ll talk to Parvati then. And I’ll bring your TV in here so you won’t get bored while you’re waiting.” 

“Really?” he asked, looking up at me with an eager smile. 

“Yeah, of course! Can’t let you lose your mind in here,” I said.

“I’d appreciate that an awful lot, boss,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” I said. “Now you sit tight, ok? I’m gonna go talk to Parvati.”

“Thank you,” he said again. He paused, his lips parted, and I waited until he continued to speak. “For all of this. I… well, I honestly don’t think I ever had someone care about me like this before. Especially when I don’t have anything to offer. I- I’m not sure I deserve it. So thank you.”

I reached out, resting a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to thank me, Felix. I want to do it. And besides, you’ll have plenty to offer again once you get better. You’re without a doubt the best dropkicker on the ship.” He laughed, and I continued. “For now, just rest. That’s all I want you doing.”

He nodded. “Got it, captain.”

“All right then. I’ll be back.”


	7. Chapter 7

_ Felix’s POV _   
  


I rolled over again, trying to get comfortable. It wasn’t that the captain’s bed was any different from mine; it was just that lying in bed this long had left me restless, and I couldn’t seem to hold still. It was well past 3 AM, and I’d dozed for awhile after I went to bed, but my tiredness had left me, and I couldn’t seem to get it to come back, no matter how long I lay there with my eyes closed. I gingerly touched my bandaged wound, and winced a little. It throbbed, but I hated how fuzzy the pain medications made my brain feel. Although considering they were sure to help me sleep, maybe taking one of the little white pills wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all…

The bottle of pills was within my reach, sitting on the floor next to the bed, but I had finished my glass of water hours ago, and the pill would be difficult to get down dry. Then my eyes settled on the nearly-empty glass Rose had left earlier sitting on a chair near my bed. I reached an arm out, shifting closer to the edge of the bed, and my fingertips just brushed the rim. I strained a little, trying to grab it - I just needed to tip it toward me enough that I could get ahold of it, and I caught the edge with one finger, tugging it toward me. 

It fell faster than I expected, and I groped for it, but I missed it and it fell, shattering across the ground. “Fuck!”

I lay there for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. The sound had probably woken someone up, and as much as I didn’t want someone else to clean up my mess for me, I knew Rose would probably cuff me upside the head if I did it myself. I still wanted to take care of it though, and I searched for a solution. But I didn’t have much time for thinking before a gentle knock on the door interrupted (who was I kidding; I wasn’t coming up with anything useful), and I called, “Come in.”

The door slid open and Rose stepped inside. She looked different than I was used to seeing her, her long hair, which was usually pulled back, hanging in messy waves and curls down her back, and instead of her regular armor, she was dressed in a loose tank top and shorts, which revealed muscular legs, and smooth skin that looked soft. I realized I was staring and swallowed hard, looking up at her face. Thankfully, she was looking at the mess and not at me, and it seemed I’d gotten away it. “What happened here?” she asked.

“I, uh… well, I was trying to reach your water glass because mine was empty, and I thought I had it, but it slipped.”

She laughed, and she seemed softer than usual, her hard edges rounder. I didn’t know if it was the dim light across her face, or her beautiful long hair that I was only really seeing for the first time, or how her lack of armor made her seem less like a captain and more like a human, but whatever it was, I was finding it hard to take my eyes off her.

“Sit tight,” she said. “I’m going to get a broom.”  
“Thanks, boss.” I scratched the back of my neck, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

I lay there waiting for her, feeling useless. Damn this injury. Rose returned a minute later with a broom, dustpan, and a large paper bag, and crouched next to the bed to begin picking up some of the larger pieces of glass. As she did, the loose neckline of her shirt hung open a bit, and I couldn’t help it, could I? I looked, and I couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to touch her, to hold her. 

Then she looked up, and I moved my gaze too late, and I felt my cheeks turn hot as her eyebrows rose slightly. But she didn’t say anything, and I almost wished she’d tease me or  _ something _ because the awkward silence that fell was so much worse. I felt like I should apologize, but it was too late now, and she adjusted, tugging the back of her shirt down so the neckline rose higher, and went back to cleaning without a word. 

But then I noticed, though it was hard to see in the dim light, that her face was flushed too. But what did that mean? I had probably just embarrassed her. “I, uh-” I cleared my throat. The words had come out before my thoughts caught up, just because I felt like I needed to say something, even though I had no idea what. “Sorry, I, uh…” the silence dragged out.

Then she looked up at me, and her bright eyes stopped me short. “Felix?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s fine.”

I nodded, and she stood, smoothing down her shorts before grabbing the broom to sweep up the rest of the mess. Realistically, it probably wasn’t  _ that _ big of a deal. But it felt like it was, and I knew it was stupid of me to get caught staring. “Sorry to wake you up for this,” I said, because even though I didn’t really want to acknowledge what had just happened out loud, I still felt like I should apologize for something.

“No worries,” she said. “I wasn’t sleeping too well anyway.”

“Why not?”  
She didn’t answer right away, and the only sound in the room was the gentle brush of the broom on the floor and the scrape of broken glass. “Lot on my mind,” she said finally. “We’ve got a lot to get done. It’s, well… it’s a burden sometimes.”

She was always so cheerful, I guess it didn’t often occur to me how much pressure she was under. Of course, I didn’t really have to - she just gave orders and I followed them. But things certainly weren’t that simple for her. “Wanna talk about it?” I asked.

She looked up, finally meeting my eyes, and I couldn’t totally read her expression. But I did recognize vulnerability, and fondness as her lips quirked upward just a little. It was a sad smile, but there was warmth in her gaze. “No. But thank you, Felix. I think I’d like to try to not think about it for awhile.”

“You could stay and watch a serial with me,” I suggested. I didn’t like seeing her like this, and I think it hit me especially hard because I was so unused to it. She was always tough, stoic, a gun in her hand and a smirk on her lips. She never got discouraged, or so it had seemed. But that couldn’t be true, even though it wasn’t a side she really showed. She was human too. She just… didn’t seem like it sometimes.

She didn’t answer for a moment, and I wondered if I had overstepped, but then her expression turned to a real smile, and she nodded. “I’d like that.”

“I’ve got a Nick Chesney one I’ve been watching, it’s kinda a spy show, set on Byzantium, if that sounds good,” I said. 

“That sounds perfect,” she said. “I’ll get you some water so you can take your pill.”

“I don’t need it anymore,” I said. “Thanks, though.” If I wasn’t trying to sleep after all, what was the point?

“If you’re sure,” she said. She opened a cupboard and pulled out a thick blanket, which she wrapped around her shoulders as I turned on the TV, which sat on a table she’d pulled up to the foot of the bed. “Scoot over, will you?” Rose asked.

The question surprised me a little; I guess I was expecting she’d pull up a chair or something, but it was her bed after all, and it would certainly be more comfortable. I shifted closer to the wall, and tried to ignore my heartbeat speeding up as she sat down next to me, settling in against the pillows. I pressed ‘play’ on the show, at first hardly able to concentrate; I could feel her shoulder against mine, her thigh just barely touching mine, and sorta wished the bed was even smaller so she’d have to come closer - though I truly didn’t know if my heart could take that. Then she asked me a question about the show, and we just started talking, and I felt my nerves slip away to the sound of her laugh.

An episode later, I was growing drowsy, and when I glanced at Rose, I saw her blink slowly, her chin dipping lower under the blanket wrapped around her. I knew I should probably wake her so she could go to bed, but I couldn’t find it in me to do it as her eyes closed, and her head lolled back, coming to a rest against the wall behind the bed. She looked peaceful, and as I felt drowsiness begin to wrap around me like a warm blanket, I let myself drift off to sleep, content.


	8. Chapter 8

_ Rose’s POV _

In the sleepy haze after I woke, everything made sense for a moment - I was cozy in my own bed, and-  _ wait _ . I wasn’t supposed to be here. Then I remembered what had happened last night, and I looked over at Felix. He was peacefully asleep, his dark hair framing his face with messy waves. Somehow, it didn’t surprise me that he drooled a little while he slept, but it did surprise me that I found it more cute than gross. Then my eyes moved a little lower and settled on the tent in the blankets, and my throat tightened a little. I swallowed hard. It was, well… Bigger than expected. To be honest, I had wondered before, though I had tried not to.

Felix beginning to stir interrupted my thoughts, and the temptation crossed my mind to close my eyes again and pretend to be asleep to avoid the awkwardness, but then he woke and it was too late. “Oh… hey boss.” His morning voice was low and gentle, and the way he looked up at me with tired eyes and a small, fond smile made me feel warm all over.

“Morning, Felix,” I said. I sat forward a little, and twisted my back from side to side slowly, giving him the chance to take care of his problem while I wasn’t looking. As I turned away from him I heard the sudden rustle of blankets, and when I turned back to him, he had drawn up one knee and his cheeks were adorably flushed. “Sorry, didn’t mean to cramp your space last night,” I said.

“It’s your bed,” he said. “And I’m glad you were able to get some rest after what you were telling me.”

“Don’t think too much of what I said last night,” I said. “I was just tired, I guess.”

“I know, boss,” he said, and he looked up at me, and it was like his bright hazel eyes could see into me. They were infinitely warm, and understanding. “But if you ever want to talk about it, I’m your man. I know you could kick my ass if you really wanted to, which is why you can trust me to keep my mouth shut.”

I laughed. “Thank you, Felix.” And I meant it. His words meant a lot to me, and when he smiled up at me in the silence that ensued, and our eyes remained linked, a tension formed, that perfect moment freezing, and everything in my body and heart told me to lean down and kiss him. I wetted my lips slightly, my fingers clutching the blanket. I think I probably would have kissed him, but the knock on the door was louder than the blood rushing in my ears, and the moment shattered, dissipating like dew under the morning sun, and his gaze slipped away from mine.

“Felix? Can I come in?” That was Parvati’s voice, and I practically jumped out of the bed in pure instinct. I didn’t want the crew to think there was anything going on with me and Felix, at least not yet, not until I knew. Though with every day I was growing more sure. It was too late to hide my appearance, but at least I was more presentable if I wasn’t in bed with him. A small improvement, but still something.

“Yep,” Felix replied, and the door slid open. Parvati froze for a moment, her eyes shifting from me in my pajamas to Felix still in bed. She blinked, visibly composing herself, and then turned, pulling in a shiny wheelchair whose wide tires rolled easily over the threshold. “Is that for me?” he asked, and I was surprised by how eager he sounded until I looked more closely at the chair. The metal was blacked out, the seat made of leather, armor plates pinned to the sides, and a large holster intended for a grenade launcher fastened outside that. Felix’s tossball stick was strapped across the back. 

“You bet,” Parvati said. “It’s still a work in progress, so if you don’t like anything about it, I’ll do my best to fix it.”  
“I gotta admit, I didn’t think I needed this, but you somehow made it sexy as hell and now I want it.” He looked at me, and I instantly recognized his pleading puppy dog eyes (and the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to resist them). “Can I try it?” 

“Yes, you can try it. Good work, Parvati.”

“Thank you, Captain!” she said, smiling.

Felix sat up, and I could see the grimace he tried to conceal, but his smile took over so quickly again I didn’t comment. He scooted to the edge of the bed, and Parvati pulled up the wheelchair, kicking down the brake. He shifted into it with a small grunt of pain and closed his eyes for a moment as he settled in, muscles tensed as the pain slowly dissipated. Then he kicked up the brake, and rolled himself forward, the chair gliding easily across the floor. “It’s so smooth!” he exclaimed. “Thank you, Parvati!”

“I’m glad you like it,” she said, smiling warmly. “I’ve still got some work to do, but I can show you the features it’s got now if you’d like.”

“Please!” Felix said.

“I’ll leave you two to it,” I said. “Parvati, don’t let him hurt himself.”  
“Yes, captain!”

*****  
“What’s this I hear about you spending the night with Felix?” Nyoka asked and I snorted, coughing as cereal and milk pushed into my nostrils and lungs. She thumped my back and I coughed it out, eyes watering, until I finally managed to regain my composure and asked in a raspy voice,

“What?”

“I mean, we all saw it coming,” she said. “I just didn’t take you as one to move so fast.”

“We didn’t have sex.” I figured it was best to just say it straight-out. “We were watching a show, and I fell asleep.”

“He could’ve sent you to bed, though,” Nyoka said.

“Maybe he didn’t cause we were already in my bed,” I said, though what she said did make me think. I guess I hadn’t really considered the fact that since I had fallen asleep first, he could have encouraged me to go to the other room. Him not saying anything would make more sense if he had drifted off first.

She raised an eyebrow at me and then turned to refill her coffee cup, muttering, “Excuses, excuses.”

“What makes you so confident we’d do something like that?” I asked, suddenly curious. It was possible Nyoka could provide me some useful information.

“Well, you know, spending the night in the same room doesn’t lend itself to too many interpretations,” she said. “But if you think Parvati and I haven’t noticed the way you look at him, you’re maybe not quite as bright as you seem.” I was more embarrassed than I was offended, and I didn’t bother to protest. “Not to mention how he won’t shut up around you when you’re not around. He talks about you like you’re some kind of goddess.”

“Really?” I asked.

“No need to act surprised,” Nyoka said. “You’ve got to know how much he admires you.”  
“I guess kind of,” I said. I sat there for a moment, turning over her words in my head, my hands clasped around my warm coffee mug.

“And I assume you’re asking about this for purely academic purposes?” she teased.

Well, there wasn’t much point in denying it now. “Why ask if you already know?” I asked, and she chuckled. “Do me a favor and don’t share this, will you?”

“Oh yeah, I was just about to go tell Felix what we discussed,” she said sarcastically. “You know I won’t.”

“Thank you,” I said. At the sound of Felix’s wheelchair rolling down the ramps, we lapsed into silence, and he rolled through the door after a moment, asking,

“How come everything got quiet?”

“Because we were talking shit about you, duh,” Nyoka said.

He frowned. “Not fair to pick on the wounded.”

“Ah, man up,” Nyoka said. “You’ll be fine. Want some breakfast?”

“Of course,” Felix said. “Thanks, Nyoka.”

He rolled up to the table, pushing a chair out of the way. “How’s the new whip?” I asked.

“Fantastic!” he said. “Parvati even said she’ll add an engine. Then we gotta set down somewhere so I can really let her rip. Hey, I was going to ask you, could we stop by the Groundbreaker soon? Just for like an hour?”

“Sure, why?” I asked.

“I something I gotta give Alaina,” he said, and my stomach clenched, a sour feeling in the back of my throat. 

“You shouldn’t be pushing yourself that far. I can drop it off for you,” I said, and my voice came out colder than I intended, and I noticed the confusion in his eyes at my sudden change of attitude.

“...Thanks,” he said. 

“We can go now, get it taken care of.” I stood a bit abruptly, knowing full well I was coming off weird, and left, ears burning a bit at the thought of the conversation about me Felix and Nyoka were probably going to have as soon as I was out of earshot.

Quite honestly, I had pretty much forgotten about Alaina, but as soon as Felix mentioned her, I remembered their easy camaraderie, and it bothered me how much longer she had known him than I, and probably how much better, not to mention how much Felix apparently cared for her. I didn’t like it, and I hated the way my jealousy made my stomach turn, wiping out my appetite and replacing it with slight nausea. I knew it wasn’t my place to take Felix’s task for him, especially considering I could have just offered to push his wheelchair. But I didn’t want him to see her. He could do it on his own time; as his captain I didn’t think I had to feel obligated to enable it. It may not have been right, but I wasn’t changing my mind. I was too invested now.


	9. Chapter 9

When we reached the Groundbreaker, Felix was waiting for me at the door of the ship, a package in his hand with an envelope on top. “What’s this?” I asked. It was nosy, but I wasn’t feeling too great, and I ignored the confusion on Felix’s face even though I knew I was acting out of character.

“Just a letter,” he said. “And something she lent me a long time ago.”

“I see,” I said. I didn’t want to come across this cold, this obvious, but I couldn’t help it. I was hurt, and even though I didn’t know for sure there was a cause for jealousy, it sure seemed like it. I spend the night in his bed, and the first thing he does is ask me to help him deliver a package to another girl? I took the package when he handed it to me, grasping it a little harder than I needed to. “Where should I look for her?”

“Probably the back bays,” he said. “She said she found some work there.”

“All right.” I reached to open the door, looking back when Felix said,

“Thank you, boss. I appreciate it a whole lot.”

His sincerity softened me a little, and I managed a small smile. “Sure, Felix.”

The Groundbreaker was busy as usual, and Macredd just as abrasive. But I convinced him to let me look around for Alaina, and I quickly spotted her working on a gun at the workbench. “Alaina.” My voice came out hard and firm, unfriendly, and she turned, eyes narrowed slowly before she apparently recognized me.

“Captain Cornett,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

“Felix wanted me to give you this,” I said, thrusting the package and envelope toward her.

“Did something happen to him?” she asked, and I suddenly realized I was probably coming across something like I was executing his last will and testament.

“He got injured, but he’s all right. He just can’t really get around right now. But he asked that we stop by.”

“Well, that was sweet of him.” She tore open the package, and I watched with considerable curiosity as she pulled out what was inside. It was a vest, a leather one, and I recognized it as one of Felix’s favorites. My stomach twisted with jealousy. He didn’t get  _ me _ gifts. And then I remembered he had willingly intended to sacrifice his life for me and guilt overwhelmed my jealousy. “I lent him this,” Alaina said, chuckling. “Five years ago.”

My eyebrows rose. “Seriously?” It did sound pretty in-character for him.

“Yeah.” She slipped the vest over her jacket. It was a little big on her, but suited her. “Clyde gave it to me.” She set aside the packaging the vest had been in, and opened the envelope from Felix. I could faintly see the ink that had soaked through, and the letter looked fairly long. She read quickly, and I stood there, wondering if I should have left, but really wanting to know what he had said. “Anyway.” She slid the letter back into its envelope and slipped it into the pocket inside the vest. “You sticking around, or should I give you a reason to?”

“...What?” 

“I’m asking you if you want a drink,” she said. “I’ll buy.”

“You’re asking like...?”

“I’m asking you if you want to go on a date with me,” she said. “Damn, I didn’t think I was being that subtle.”

She sounded more teasing than annoyed, but I was confused, and I had to make sure I interpreted this correctly. “But… You and Felix?”

“Me and Felix?” she laughed. “He’s like a little brother. And I don’t swing that way anyway.”

“Oh,” I said.  _ Oh _ . Well, I felt stupid now.

“So?” she was looking at me expectantly and I remembered her proposition.

“Sorry, I gotta get going,” I said. “But thanks for the offer.”

“Sure,” she said. “Tell Felix hi for me, will you?”

“Of course,” I said. “See you around, Alaina.”

“You like him, don’t you?” she asked suddenly, and I turned back. There wasn’t a whole lot of reason to deny it. 

“Yeah, I do.”

“Then you might as well know what he wrote. Here.” She handed me the letter and I opened it, smoothing it out to read it.

  
  


_ Hey Alaina, _

_ I didn’t forget what we discussed last time I was on the Groundbreaker. I’m super excited for you getting a cruiser and all, and I’m glad you’ll finally get off that damned ship. But I needed to let you know I can’t come with you. _

_ It’s hard to explain, but I think I found home, if that makes sense. This feels right for me, the crew and the ship and the captain and all. And I think I’m falling for her. It’s just that she makes me feel like the way love or whatever looks like in the serials. I really care about Rose, and I don’t know a lot of things for sure, but I do know my place is with her. She makes me happy.  _

_ Sorry, I’m rambling and I know you don’t like mushy stuff. I care about you too, and I really wish you the best. I hope we’ll cross paths again. Also, I’m sorry about the vest. I guess you know now I didn’t actually lose it - I just liked it too much to give it back. Sorry!! But in case I don’t see you again, here it is. Love you. You’re a hell of a fighter and I know you’ll be fine. _

_ -Felix. _

I looked up at her, wide-eyed and shellshocked. Alaina laughed, taking the letter back. “Go get ‘im, tiger,” she said. 

My heart was in my throat, my thoughts racing faster than I could hope to keep up with, but a sense of joy was welling up deep inside me and all I could think about was getting back to the ship. “I think I will. Thank you, Alaina.”

“Yep. See you around.”


End file.
